Keep the Peace: 10 Tips on How to Deal With a Messy Roommate

Whether you and a few others are living in a home in Cambridge or are sharing an apartment in Jersey City, cohabiting with a roommate can be a fantastic experience – shared laughs, split bills, and built-in companionship. However, the harmony can quickly dissolve into discord when one person’s definition of “tidy” significantly diverges from the other’s. 

If you’re finding yourself constantly navigating a landscape of clutter, wondering how to deal with a messy roommate, know that you’re not alone. Achieving a livable shared environment isn’t about turning your roommate into a meticulous neat freak; it’s about fostering mutual respect and establishing boundaries. This ApartmentGuide article delves into 10 actionable strategies to reclaim your shared sanctuary. Now, let’s get started.

1. Understand their universe

Before launching into accusations, take a moment to consider your roommate’s perspective. Landra Barta, owner of Dirty Deeds Creative Home Organizing and Staging, shares how differences lie between two different universes. She says, “The organized person feels a sense of stress at the chaos and the messy person can feel pressured at the demands of the organized person.”

What might appear as blatant disregard for cleanliness to you could stem from different habits, priorities, or even underlying factors. Yahna Davis, owner of Ace Your Space Cleaning says, “Remember that a person’s space is a direct reflection of their mental state.” Perhaps they have a demanding schedule that leaves little time for tidying, or maybe their upbringing instilled a different standard of order. Approaching the situation with curiosity rather than judgment can pave the way for a more productive conversation. Try to understand the “why” behind the mess.

2. Initiate open dialogue

Sadia Jania with The Kids Room SF shares how, “Open communication is key when living with a messy roommate, whether that person is a friend or family member.” Choose a calm moment when you can both speak openly without feeling attacked or defensive. Frame your concerns around the impact the mess has on you rather than labeling your roommate. 

For instance, instead of saying, “You’re so messy,” try, “I’ve been feeling a bit stressed by the clutter in the common areas, and I was hoping we could chat about finding a way to keep things more organized.” This approach focuses on your feelings and invites collaboration.

3. Offer constructive suggestions

Vague complaints are rarely effective. Instead of just pointing out the problem, offer tangible and achievable solutions. If overflowing laundry is an issue, suggest establishing a laundry schedule or investing in a larger hamper. If dishes piling up in the sink bothers you, propose a “wash as you go” rule or designated dishwashing times. Concrete suggestions demonstrate your willingness to find a resolution together.

4. Establish clear ground rules

Once you’ve had an open discussion, solidify your understanding by establishing clear and mutually agreed-upon ground rules. These rules should be specific and measurable and Camille Robinson-Harris with Lifecycle Transitions shares how rules can be established in the form of “creating a simple chore schedule.” For example, instead of “keep the living room tidy,” try “all personal belongings should be put away in the living room by the end of each day,” or “dishes should be washed within one hour of use.” Writing these rules down can provide a reference point and minimize future misunderstandings.

5. Simplify organization

Sometimes, the sheer effort of organizing can be a deterrent. Make it easier for your roommate (and yourself) to maintain a tidy space. Provide ample and accessible storage solutions in common areas. Dafina Fuqua, owner of OCbyD, a home organization service, suggests, “Make organizing low-effort by using labeled bins or baskets that can make cleaning up a no-brainer.” 

This could also involve shelves, bins, or hooks. The less friction involved in putting things away, the more likely it is to happen. Consider the flow of your shared spaces and identify areas where better organization could naturally encourage tidiness.

6. Prioritize your battles

Not every stray sock or unrinsed mug is worth a confrontation. Sarah Hackenberg, professional organizer for Grace in Cycles, says, “Pick your biggest pain point and get specific about it.” These should be the messes that genuinely impact your comfort and well-being. Focus your energy on addressing these key issues first. Trying to tackle every minor infraction at once can lead to resentment and make the situation feel overwhelming for your roommate. Choose your battles wisely for a more sustainable approach.

7. Create a collaborative cleaning schedule

Divide and conquer! Working together to create a cleaning schedule for common areas can ensure that responsibilities are shared and expectations are clear. Rotate tasks such as vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom, and taking out the trash. Be realistic about everyone’s schedules and preferences when assigning duties. A visual schedule posted in a common area can serve as a helpful reminder.

8. Ensure accessible cleaning supplies

Make cleaning tools readily available in shared spaces. Tara Pierce with Pink Power Cleaning says, “If you both have easy access to the tools you need, it becomes more convenient to tidy up on the spot.” 

If the vacuum cleaner is always tucked away in a hard-to-reach closet or cleaning sprays are nowhere to be found, the motivation to tidy up diminishes. Having essential supplies like dusters, wipes, and a broom easily accessible encourages quick cleanups and shared responsibility for maintaining a clean environment.

9. Lead by example and focus on your sphere of influence

While you can’t directly control your roommate’s habits, you can control your own. Professional organizer and KonMari consultant, Jenna Carlsson of The Joy Filter says, “Start tidying your own personal items and space. Often my clients who complain about a messy roommate or spouse find that they are less frustrated after decluttering their own closets.” 

Maintain your personal spaces to the standards you desire and consistently adhere to the agreed-upon ground rules for common areas. The Renewed Comfort Cleaning team says, “If you keep your areas tidy, it can encourage them [your roommates] to do the same.” Your actions can subtly influence your roommate and demonstrate the benefits of a tidier environment. Focus on what you can do rather than dwelling on what you can’t.

10. Explore professional assistance

If all attempts at communication and compromise fail, and the situation significantly impacts your quality of life, consider a more unconventional approach: hiring a professional organizer or cleaning service (with mutual agreement and cost-sharing, of course). 

A neutral third party can offer expert advice on decluttering and establishing sustainable organizational systems. While this may seem extreme, it can be a worthwhile investment in a more peaceful living situation.

Finding harmony in shared living:

Dealing with a messy roommate requires patience, understanding, and effective communication. It’s about finding a middle ground where both individuals feel comfortable and respected. 

By initiating open dialogue, establishing clear expectations, and working together to create a more organized environment, you can navigate the chaos and cultivate a more harmonious shared living experience. Remember, the goal isn’t perfection, but rather a shared space where everyone can feel at ease.

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